Parent
Corner – 99 Thoughs For Parents of Teenagers – Part 5 – Walt
Mueller
Admit
It: The Teenage Years are Tough!
If
it helps, view your teenagers as people stuck in an earthquake –
the earthquake known as adolescence. Think about it. The teen years
arrive swiftly, pass rather quickly and radically alter the landscape
of a child's life. And just like real-life earthquakes, the
earthquake of adolescence leaves its victims feeling all kinds of
stress. They are juggling physical growth, new sexual urges, changing
relationships, a host of new pressures, the quest for finding answers
to a multitude of questions, and the desire to belong. Next time
you're ready to throw in the parenting towel, picture your teenager
struggling to live through the onset and aftermath of an earthquake.
They need you now more than ever!
Preparing Your Teen For College or University - Focus on the Family
http://www.focusonthefamily.ca/Teens/preparing-your-teen-for-college-or-university.html?utm_source=Focus+on+the+Family+Canada+-+eNewsletter+Subscriptions&utm_campaign=3a76ea086a-FOP_July_2012&utm_medium=email
9 minute video about parenting teenagers who are saturated by media - Jonathan McKee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ4PULbhQcM&feature=player_embedded
45 second video on why discipline is important in the life of parenting children.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkVvDxA04FM&feature=player_embedded
99 THOUGHTS FOR PARENTS OF TEENAGERS - WALT MUELLER
(The truth on raising teenagers from parents who have been there)
Non-Negotiable
3. "Home is where the heart is." That cliche is a great descriptor of the way a little child's life revolves around family and home. Then the teenage years arrive and something begins to change. Because they are now growing up, teenagers begin the process of disengaging from the kind of ties they've had with you as they begin to focus more and more time on building relationships with their peers. Even though the shift is normal, it can be quite painful to watch your children trade family time for friend time. These new relationships with friends serve as a bridge between the dependence of childhood and the independence of adulthood. But never, never, never forget this fact: You are still vital! Research and observation have shown that we must remain engaged and available to our children. Teenagers whose parents are absent from their lives as a result of choice or circumstances are teenagers who hurt deeply. You are important and significant in their lives!
2. God parents you while you parent your children
Here's something that at first glance might be a scary thought for Christian parents: The Bible speaks from beginning to end about the presence and benefits of suffering, "Dear brothers and sisters, when trouble comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4)
The teenage years bring difficulty for both teenagers and their parents. As a result, we can experience the joy of going deeper with God and depending on him during the challenges of adolescence. We've learned that the harder the difficulty, the deeper God is taking us. God wants us at the place where we drop our arms to our sides, look to him in desperation, and then confess, "OK, Lord, I've got nothing." Suffering is a process God uses to refine our children and us. into His image and likeness. If we had to do it all over again as parents, would we change the circumstances that led us to suffering and helplessness? Absolutely not! It's been a gift that's taken us deeper in our dependence on Him.
1. Teenagers are a blessing, not a curse - by Walt Mueller
I will never forget the overwhelming wonder and amazing joy I felt when my first child (and all three since) were born. "I'm not worthy! What did I do to deserve this?" is what I cried out to God in gratitude for this great gift. Shortly thereafter, our daughter became a teenager. During my weaker moments, the challenges, confrontations, and difficulties sometimes left me asking God, "What have I done to deserve this?" Then I was reminded of Solomon's wise and truthful words: Don't you see that children are God's best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! (Psalm 127:3-5 - The Message). Whether God graces you with easy parenting times or strengthens you during difficult parenting times, those children God gave you were gifts on the day they were born - and that hasn't changed! They still are.
INTEGRITY - STANDING FIRM IN TOUGH TIMES - DANIEL 6:6-17
Week 3:Integrity
Can Lead to Blessing
Dear parents,
This week we concluded our small group study on personal integrity, using the life of Daniel as our model. God loves us and wants us to have the kind of integrity that Daniel did. We can remain faithful and trust God, even when times are tough.
Students
discovered that their personal integrity can lead to prosperity, and
that prosperity means much more than just financial blessing. We
spent time looking at the account of Daniel in the lions’ den. We
encouraged our teenagers to understand that we may face difficult
situations because of our faith, but God doesn’t abandon us.
During your conversations this week, talk with your teenager about the idea of following God through tough times. If you’re looking for some questions to start your conversation, here are some possibilities:
- You’ll probably never be thrown into a pit full of lions because of praying to God, but what situations have you experienced when it felt as if you were all alone because you followed God?
- Your small group talked about Daniel for three weeks. How has your faith been strengthened by his story? What are some specific moments or miracles that encourage you spiritually?
Week 2: Integrity under Fire
Dear
parents,
This
week in small groups, we continued our look at personal integrity. We
focused on how Daniel had to choose: Maintain his devotion to God or
compromise his faith. We talked about how it is tough at times to
stand firm in what we believe, but God honors us when we make the
right choice. Our teenagers discussed how we can get distracted by
all that we do, and how we sometimes decide to put God on the back
burner.
Spending
time with God is vital to spiritual growth. We might start the day
with good intentions of spending time with God, but we let our
schedules and lifestyles dictate our time. We sometimes sacrifice our
time with God. It can seem hard to juggle all of life’s
responsibilities and time with God. Usually when we fail to spend
time with God, it’s because we have failed to plan. As Christians,
we have the opportunity to plan time to be with God daily and keep it
a priority in our lives.
During
the week, talk with your teenager about the importance of making God
our top priority in life. Here are some questions and topics that
could help your conversation:
- I’ve heard this saying before: “If you got arrested for being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” How would you answer that question?
- Daniel was going to pray to God, no matter what. How might your life be different if you grew to have this level of commitment to God? How can you reach that place in your spiritual life?
- What things tend to distract you from spending time with God?
Dear
parents,
This
week we started a three-week study in our small groups examining the
topic of integrity. News headlines are filled with stories about
noteworthy people who have failed to maintain personal integrity. But
our teenagers don’t have to make choices that lead them down the
wrong path; they can make a commitment to pursue, develop, and
maintain personal integrity.
In
this first week, our teenagers saw how Daniel 6:1-5 offers a roadmap
for becoming people of integrity. We discovered that because of
Daniel’s work ethic he was promoted and found favor with the king.
We encouraged students to realize that they too can make choices and
live with the same integrity that Daniel demonstrated. But it isn’t
always easy to live with integrity; Daniel’s co-workers conspired
against him and even attacked his faith.
During
the week, as the opportunity arises, discuss with your teenager what
it might have been like to have been Daniel. Here are some questions
that could help launch your discussion:
- In what areas of your life do you struggle the most in maintaining your integrity?
- What are some ways you’ve grown in integrity? What choices or decisions or habits have helped you?
- What’s something you could start doing differently at your job, on a sports team, or at school that would communicate your integrity?
Talk
with your teenager about how making a decision to be a person of
integrity now will have a huge impact for a lifetime. Have a blessed
week!
Session
Two: participate in (Sunday December 11, 2011)
The
Christmas story is more than just one we respond to individually,
it’s one we participate in—and we’re not talking bathrobes and
kids in sheep costumes. The participation the Christmas story calls
for is more earth shaking than a quiet stable and a clear sky with a
bright star. This story shook the way the world operates when it
started to unfold thousands of years ago. But it has the potential to
do the same thing today when we become an active part of it. What
would our world look like if we became a part of the vision God has
for the world—a vision revealed with the birth of His Son, and
rests on us now?
Session
Two Parent Cue: What can we as a family do to respond to the
Christmas story?
Session One - The NeverEnding Story
Parent cue:
How
has the Christmas story become too familiar to you? Read the story
together in Matthew 1-2 and in Luke 1-2:40. Did you notice anything
in the story you may have forgotten about or ignored in the past?
Today’s technology gives us the ability to connect with people in more ways than ever before. And with that ability comes an incredible power—the capacity to affect other people. We can use technology to encourage people or show compassion. We can use technology to help people in need. Or we can use technology to hurt, slander or even destroy someone. So how will you use technology? How will you use this tool to affect the people around you?
Session Three Parent Cue: How can we use technology to do good as a family?
Session Two: My Profile (Sunday June 19, 2011)
Who are you? That’s a good question. You can let everyone know who you think you are. You can upload pictures, list out your likes and dislikes and have people comment on your clever posts—allowing other people to get an idea of who you are. But what if in the effort to try to manipulate our identity we have lost sight of who we really are? And who are we really? Who really has that say? Technology gives you the illusion that you do, but what if our real identity went much deeper than what our latest status or profile said of us? Technology does not have the final word on who we are. It never has. But who does?
Session Two Parent Cue: If I took away all my technology, how would I feel about myself? You may want to try this as an experiment one weekend. No cell phones, no computers, etc.
Session One: I <3 Technology (Sunday June 12, 2011)
Many of us are in a serious relationship—with technology. We love it. We need it. It’s a big part of our lives. But some of us could care less. We’re just not that into it. We don’t need to text someone every minute. Some of us don’t even have a Facebook page. (Gasp.) But whether we are totally committed to it, or could easily see our lives without it, we can’t escape the reality that technology exists in our lives. And that’s not always a bad thing. Because technology isn’t evil. But what we do with it, how we use it, says a lot about our relationship with it.
Session One Parent Cue: What is my relationship with technology? (You may want to answer this for each other.)
Babel:
Series Overview
What does a tower in ancient times built to reach the heavens and a cell phone have in common? A lot more than you think. The people responsible for the tower of Babel, the uh Babel-ers we’ll call them, took the technology, the tools of their day and used them in a way that elevated themselves and took God out of the picture. And the reality is that you and I have tools in our hands, the technology of our day, that we take and use in similar ways. The technology itself isn’t bad or good. It’s neutral. But like the people of Babel, how we choose to use the technology is important—it reflects the kind of relationship we have with it. And the right kind of relationship with technology will help us to do the right kinds of things with it.
Series Overview
Have you ever noticed how connected everything is? It’s almost as if there was some type of unseen structure to all of life, a rhythm. Many of us are oblivious to it until things are out of sync. We know something is wrong, and we can maybe pinpoint a few things around us that are culprits, but deep down we know there is something more going on. We are out of rhythm—with God, with ourselves or with others.
Session Four Parent Cue: No person can have a life in rhythm if they are not at peace with the people around them. In the final week of this series students will be challenged to be in rhythm with others, to be passionate about serving those they encounter and to seek forgiveness and reconciliation when needed. How can you work at making this a regular practice in your family?
Session Two (Sunday May 8)
Session Four (Sunday May 22)
No person can have a life of rhythm unless he or she is at peace with other people. That’s easy to say but hard to live, isn’t it? But following Jesus means being passionate about what He is passionate about--and Jesus is passionate about people. So if we want to be in rhythm, we not only have to be in sync with God and ourselves, we also have to be in sync with others.
Session Four Parent Cue: No person can have a life in rhythm if they are not at peace with the people around them. In the final week of this series students will be challenged to be in rhythm with others, to be passionate about serving those they encounter and to seek forgiveness and reconciliation when needed. How can you work at making this a regular practice in your family?
Session Three (Sunday May 15)
You’ve heard the words before--“love your neighbor as yourself”--but most of the time we don’t really hear the second half of that. We don’t love ourselves. Perhaps it’s because it just seems wrong. After all, as followers of Christ, we are supposed to become less as He becomes more. But for some of us, somewhere along the way we’ve confused humility with self-hatred. God wants us to be in rhythm with ourselves because when we aren’t, it throws off the rest of the song.
Session Three Parent Cue: This week students will explore the things that create tension in their own self-perception and learn the ugly truth: Being in rhythm with ourselves and being in rhythm with God go hand in hand. How we view God our Creator affects how we view His creation, ourselves. They will consider the masks they wear and the faults they try to cover up, and they'll receive a challenge to begin to shed those masks and be at peace with who they really are. Talk openly and candidly with your student this week about the things both of you have a hard time accepting when it comes to the faults you see in yourself. How can you better accept yourselves as you are?
Session Two (Sunday May 8)
If you’ve been in church for a while, you’ve heard it all and seen it all. You know the stories. You know the songs. You know the words. Many of us even think we know all about God. We think we have Him figured out. We think we know everything about Him, and in our lives, He’s very small. But the reality is that we will never fully grasp how awesome and amazing He is. We can spend a lifetime in awe and wonder, and even an eternity, because He’s that big . . . and that good.
Session Two Parent Cue: This second week, students will be challenged to look at God in new ways. Many times we find that we are so familiar with “churchy” descriptions of God that we forget who He really is. And when we forget who God is, how awesome and surprising He can be, then we are tempted to turn our attention and affection to other things and our lives fall out of tune. In week two students will be challenged to discover a God who is bigger than our attempts to define Him. Discuss with your teen ways that God has surprised you and your family with how big He is.
Session One (May 1)
In the beginning, God created a song, a rhythm. Humanity existed in harmony with God, with ourselves and with each other. But then humankind settled for another song--a lesser one--and the rhythm started falling apart. Yet even then, God didn’t walk away, and because of that, we have a way to restore the rhythm with Him, with ourselves and with others.
Session Two (Friday April 22)
If the cross is where we come to die, then how do we live? Because the cross is not the end of the story. There is also an empty tomb. The cross isn’t just about death, it’s about life. We die to something, but we also live as well. After all, Jesus says: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10 NIV). This week, we’ll talk about not settling for a half-life, but a life that is full.
Session Two Parent Cue: What does it mean to live life to the full? How does that compare to my life?
Most of us think of the cross as the place where Jesus died for us. That is true. But it’s also about more than that. The cross isn’t just the place where Jesus died. The cross is the place where we die too. It’s not just an event that happened thousands of years ago. It’s an ongoing part of being a follower of Jesus. This week students will discover the ongoing, sacrificial life Jesus called His disciples to lead—a life characterized by the cross.
Session One Parent Cue: What are some ways that I am challenged to sacrifice myself in everyday life?
Session Three (Sunday April 10)
Chances are you have a list of “someday” items. Things you are going to buy, repairs you are going to make, vacations you will go on someday. The trouble is saving money for these things takes time and self-control. But when saving becomes a part of a monthly, weekly or daily routine, then we will be able to ultimately do more with our money than we can do today.
Session Three Parent Cue: What are some things you save for?
Session Two (Sunday April 3)
Have you ever walked into Walmart to buy toothpaste? You walk in the door focused on the one thing you need, and walk out with $40 of stuff you realized you “had to have” once you entered the magical land of marketing. This week we will be talking about how what we see affects our desire and ultimately our pocketbook.
Session Two Parent Cue: What do you typically spend your money on during a normal week?
Session One (Sunday March 27)
We all want to make a difference in this life. We want to be a part of something beyond ourselves. This week we will show how giving connects you to something bigger.
Session One Parent Cue: What are some opportunities or places that you have given to financially? Why did you choose to give to those particular things?
Session Three: An Unlikely Response (Sunday March 20)
If someone hits you, you hit him back. Or if someone says something mean about you, you say something mean back. Be cool with people who are cool to you and dislike people who are not. Now, some of us wouldn’t come right out and say we agree with those statements. But behind closed doors or in our heads, most of us would agree with it. This week, we’re going to take a look at some Jesus’ words, words that called for some very unlikely responses to those around us.
Session Three Parent Cue: Jesus calls us to respond in unlikely ways. What are some ways that you can respond in unlikely ways to the people you encounter each day? (bless those who curse you, forgive, etc.)
Session Two: An Unlikely Place (Sunday March 13)
At youth group. At a retreat. With Christian friends. Those are the likely places we expect to find God. But the funny thing about Him is that He doesn’t like to be boxed in. God shows up in the most unlikely places. Just look at how Jesus came into the world—in relative obscurity. And if we look at some areas of our lives, we would probably say that God would show up anywhere but here—whether “here” is homeroom, the hallways at school, your job bagging groceries or even your home. But remember that God shows up in the most unlikely places.
Session Two Parent Cue: Have you ever seen glimpses of God at work in unlikely places or circumstances?
Session One: An Unlikely Person (Sunday March 6)
Sometimes we think that everyone else is more qualified or likely than we are to be a part of God’s story. But even though we may feel insignificant, unimportant or unworthy, God says we are not only valuable—we are wanted! Even though we, or even others, would declare us unlikely, God says we’re not. He declares the unlikely, “likely.” Because what God wants is people who are available—He always picks availability over ability.
Session One Parent Cue: Describe a time when you felt unlikely.
Session Four: Sex Is . . . More (Sunday February 27)
Information can be overwhelming. Sometimes you just want someone to set everything aside, and get real with you. You want him or her to have a real conversation. This session is much different from the rest of the series. It takes into account the past three weeks, but also gets real with where students are. Because when it comes to sex, they may be at different places. And they need someone to acknowledge that and help them move in a good direction.
Session Four Parent Cue: What did you learn from this series?
Session Three: Sex Is . . . Everything? (Sunday February 20)
Sex is serious. Sex is powerful. But sex isn’t everything. Yes, we said it. Sounds like heresy in our culture, doesn’t it? But there’s more to relationships than just sex. Sex may meet a need, but it never fully satisfies the deepest needs we have. There’s more to relationships than that. There are plenty of married Christian people who “get” to have sex, yet find out that there’s more to connecting with another person than just physically. Yes, sex is great. Yes, sex is important. But sex wasn’t created to meet every need and be everything.
Session Three Parent Cue: What makes a marriage “good”? Describe some specific things that make up a healthy marriage. (Some of these things will be from lessons you may have learned the hard way. You may want to consider sharing some of those lessons with your teen if age-appropriate.)
Session Two: Sex Is . . . Powerful (Sunday February 13)
You know sex is power in our culture when it’s used to sell cheeseburgers or furniture. But sex is power in a relationship too. Guys and girls use it to get what they want. And the tricky thing about sex is, just when you think you have the power, it can backfire. When you try to abuse its power, everybody loses. You can’t underestimate the power of sex, because if you aren’t careful, it will end up costing you.
Session Two Parent Cue: How can sex have power in a relationship? How can it affect you and how you see yourself and the other person?
Series Overview
Everyone has an idea of what sex is. Some people think it simply is an act to meet a physical “need.” Others believe it’s the way to make a relationship closer. Some people treat it like an addiction, while others have been burned by it. So what is sex? What was it created to be? Because if everyone has such a strong idea of what it could be and should be, maybe we need to find out what it is really and how we live with what we learn?
Session One: Sex Is . . . Serious (Sunday February 6, 2011)
Sometimes the things that we think are not a big deal really are. Take sex for example. Sure, it’s a big deal to some people, but other people dismiss it as just a normal part of a relationship or a rite of passage. And when treated that way, if we aren’t careful, sex becomes just something casual. But sex isn’t really casual. It’s, well, serious. There’s more to it than just a physical act. It’s more complex than that. And while we know it’s a big deal because of what “bad” things could happen, there’s a much bigger reason why it’s serious—it’s how God created it to be.
Session One Parent Cue: How do you see people perceiving sex as not that big of a deal in real life and in the media?
Session Five: Unto You (SUN. JAN. 23)
Bottom Line: God places value on each person, and desires for everyone to be free.
Session Five Parent Cue: Go through the final six commandments (Exodus 20:12-17) and discuss how these commands are about valuing other people. Talk about ways we “steal,” “murder” etc one another, ways that may go beyond our traditional definition of these words.
Bottom Line: When we stop and acknowledge how God has cared for us and our world, we realize who is really in control.
How crazy is your life? Doesn’t it seem like the weeks go by so fast? Okay, maybe not the school day or your shift at work—but the rest of your time, like your free time—how much of it seems to just disappear before you know it? What if you were more intentional with your time? More specifically, what if you spent time each week pausing, reflecting and acknowledging what God has done for you and everyone else the rest of the week? What if you took time to stop, rest and realize that no matter how much you thought you were in control of every minute, He was really in control all along?
Session Four Parent Cue: What has God done for you this week? How can you be more in tune with noticing what He does around you?